Baby Stucks: Managing through my fear of being a bad mom


November 26, 2012
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While I’m on maternity leave, we have still been sending our son to daycare. Officially, as good caring parents, we just didn’t want to break up his routine.  Honestly, I didn’t know if I could handle juggling both kids at the same time.

For the last two months, I’ve been spending my vacation — err, I mean maternity leave — enjoying time with my little baby while my husband drops off and picks up our son every day. Every day until last week, when daycare was closed and I was suddenly responsible for both kids.

I feel a bit ridiculous admitting this, but the idea of having both kids to myself for a full day totally scared me. I was scared that my son would run off and I would not be able to chase him with baby in tow. I was scared that the baby would be left to cry too long when I paid attention to my son, or that my son would resent me when I paid attention to the baby. To put it simply, I was scared that the day would be a disaster and that I would feel like a failure as a mother. 

Glad I got that off my chest.

When I finally came to terms with my fear, I realized that I needed to lean into it and prepare for my big day as I would a project I had to manage at work. Turn the experience into something that was familiar to me. Prepare in advance, accept ambiguity, keep a cool head, be resourceful. With these tools in mind, I put together a full day of activities, including a little lunch date, just the three of us.

Funny thing is, in all my preparations, I forgot my most powerful tool — love. I love my kids, so spending a whole day with them is actually a treat.  

I also love daycare. 

Next post: Traveling in the time of parenthood
Previous post: Sabrina finds some valuable lessons in an unlikely place

Read all Baby Stuck installments.

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About Sabrina Clark.

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