Baby Stucks: Managing through my fear of being a bad mom

While I’m on maternity leave, we have still been sending our son to daycare. Officially, as good caring parents, we just didn’t want to break up his routine.  Honestly, I didn’t know if I could handle juggling both kids at the same time.

For the last two months, I’ve been spending my vacation — err, I mean maternity leave — enjoying time with my little baby while my husband drops off and picks up our son every day. Every day until last week, when daycare was closed and I was suddenly responsible for both kids.

I feel a bit ridiculous admitting this, but the idea of having both kids to myself for a full day totally scared me. I was scared that my son would run off and I would not be able to chase him with baby in tow. I was scared that the baby would be left to cry too long when I paid attention to my son, or that my son would resent me when I paid attention to the baby. To put it simply, I was scared that the day would be a disaster and that I would feel like a failure as a mother.

Glad I got that off my chest.

When I finally came to terms with my fear, I realized that I needed to lean into it and prepare for my big day as I would a project I had to manage at work. Turn the experience into something that was familiar to me. Prepare in advance, accept ambiguity, keep a cool head, be resourceful. With these tools in mind, I put together a full day of activities, including a little lunch date, just the three of us.

Funny thing is, in all my preparations, I forgot my most powerful tool — love. I love my kids, so spending a whole day with them is actually a treat.

I also love daycare.

Next post: Traveling in the time of parenthood
Previous post: Sabrina finds some valuable lessons in an unlikely place

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About Sabrina Clark.

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