Posts tagged: Change

Raise the rest of your life to meet you


Fear of change

“I hated that job, and I clung to that job.” The familiarity of that statement echoes true for so many of us — whether it’s work, a relationship, or a habit.

At 29, Peter Dinklage was a data processor, and he was miserable. Paralyzed at the thought of pursuing an acting career. He didn’t know what would happen, and that stopped him until he couldn’t stand it anymore. You, too?

The courage to make a change can only rise inside you — though sometimes the first spark comes from someone else. Peter, aka Tyrion Lannister in “Game of Thrones,” offers that spark in this moving commencement talk he gave at Bennington College.

Peter’s advice is brave: “Don’t bother telling the world you are ready. Show it. Do it. Trust me, the rhythm sets in…Raise the rest of your life to meet you.”

Are you ready for that change? Yes? Unstuck would like to
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Video: Why talking to strangers is easier than you think


It doesn’t seem like a stretch to say that talking to strangers has become more difficult. With a million devices in hand and a million distractions to boot, the art of small talk feels increasingly lost to our digital networks.

And this is bad! According to recent studies, not only are artificial encounters like social media detrimental to our overall happiness, but they often come at the expense of activities like engaging with strangers and meeting new people in real life. And, as more studies have shown, these activities are attributed to overall higher feelings of personal satisfaction.

The case for talking to strangers

The truth is that we are social creatures, who crave connections to other people. Even fleeting ones with strangers. To prove this point, Nicholas Epley, a psychologist at the University of Chicago, and a student conducted a study where public-transit riders were asked to engage with other
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The surprising power of your life story


As anyone who ever attended a high school reunion can attest, your personal identity is fluid. Hairstyles, sports allegiances, and even personalities change over time. (Cue that Simple Minds song Don’t You (Forget About Me).)

Evidence from my own yearbook includes Ryan, a sweet if wildly unmotivated friend who, at age 20, dropped out of college to be a ski bum in Colorado. Fast forward eight years, and Ryan is the CEO of a nonprofit startup dedicated to preserving ecological practices of indigenous communities in Andean South America. I spotted him in Palo Alto with a Bluetooth receiver behind an ear that he once reserved for storing clumsily hand-rolled cigarettes.

Ryan’s personal story is now a successful part of his company’s fundraising and branding efforts. He uses his evolution to demonstrate how apolitical weekend outdoorsmen can become activists. It perhaps goes without saying that his parents are especially fond of this
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Why learning new habits is better than perfecting old ones


I was pretty proud of myself after learning how to make chicken scallopini.

I had boldly decided that I wanted to learn how to do more in the kitchen than reheat frozen waffles and so when I came across a recipe that seemed like a challenge I decided to go for it. (It certainly helped that the recipe happened to involve delicious things like pasta, white wine, and lightly breaded chicken.)

I wrote out the instructions on a notecard and followed them closely, relishing the recipe’s technical steps like wrapping a chicken breast in parchment paper, flattening it with a wine bottle, and then dredging it in flour. As I watched the white wine sauce reduce in a hot pan, my mouth started watering with anticipation. The dish was an unequivocal hit, even earning praise from my neighbor who refuses to eat anything that isn’t deep fried.

I was so encouraged by my
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Why ‘sorry’ may actually be one of the hardest words


 Elton John, Chicago, Adele, and Justin Bieber all agree that it can be hard to say you’re sorry. What everybody else agrees on is that it can be absolutely infuriating when someone doesn’t apologize when you think they clearly should. Or, instead, when someone delivers one of those patently half-hearted non-apologies.

But if you’ve been on the receiving end of a lackluster apology (or never received an apology at all) for an offense, there might have been more than just stubbornness or selfishness at play.

One reason that some of us resist admitting fault has to do with the fact that apologizing can be a scary thing to do. It forces us to be vulnerable and it gives another person the power to reject our efforts to make something right. “Fear-based thinking leads us to believe that apologies are a sign of weakness,” we
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The one word getting in your way


As you probably remember from when you first heard should as a kid, that little word packs a hefty wallop. You should brush your teeth. You should go to bed at 10pm. You should finish all your homework and your broccoli.

We use it on ourselves and others, because it works. There is a guilt attached to it. Whatever you should do usually is good for you. As if someone knows better, as if you wouldn’t make a good decision on your own behalf without the insidious coaxing.

It’s so pervasive, you might not realize it’s the reason you might feel stuck.

When you’re making a decision or trying to figure out your next step, your brain can jump to the should first. Well, you know you should do this. The underlying message: There is a universal right answer, everyone knows what it is, and we’ll all also know if you don’t choose
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How to leave when you know it’s time to go


My first marriage was to someone who turned very quickly from composed, passionate, and loving into someone else. Helplessly, I watched as she struggled with countless and difficult challenges. She always perceived herself as a victim, suffered from low self-esteem, was absolutely terrified of abandonment, lived in constant chaos, and more.

How did I fall in love with and marry her? Aside from her two adorable kids, she had another complicating trait— she is a chameleon, always being who you want her to be. She became the woman I wanted to marry…only, beneath it all, she wasn’t really that someone.

It took me a while to figure out what was going on. But, at the same time, I came to love her two children; I became a father figure to them, which was something that I craved, and I thrived in that role.

Despite these reasons, it still took me three years
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