Posts tagged: Confidence

How to get past rejection

| May 23, 2016
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Getting rejected stinks, plain and simple. We wanted something — a job, a fresh opportunity, a relationship with someone — and we didn’t get it. What’s to like about that?

Nothing — right?

Even worse than the initial sting of rejection is the ripple effect it can have on our lives. We start to doubt ourselves. Our motivation plummets. We’re afraid to put ourselves out there again.

Here are three strategies for getting past the awful feelings that rejection brings with read more

Job search: Get the confidence you need right now

| January 13, 2016
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It’s time for a new job. About that you’re certain.

What’s less certain is that you’ll land a good one, especially with all the what-ifs swirling in your head.

What if I’m going in the wrong direction? What if I can’t find the same salary level? What if I don’t have what it takes? What if the new job is worse than my old one? What if they make me take a test? What if? What if? What if?

Stop.

Ask yourself a new question: What can I do right now?

Looking for a new job dredges up a lot of pesky (and persistent) feelings of insecurity. We spend time imagining the worst instead of preparing for the best. To regain your confidence and hang onto it, you need to put aside distracting uncertainties (which, by the way, don’t help get anything done) by focusing on the actions you can take.

Start by tackling these three read more

How to really shine (Hint: Be yourself)

| December 17, 2015
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Let’s start the new year as ourselves — magnified.

Just imagine it. As we walk the chilly corridors of January, we give off a certain something, that je ne sais quoi usually spotted in the picture-perfect pages of magazines. Our confidence swells. Others are drawn into our orbit. We have something to offer — and we’re offering it.

Are we being overly romantic? Maybe. But hear us out.

There’s something that you’re good at. Really, really good at. But in the swirl that is life, it’s probably gathered some dust, as you scramble with paperwork, home repairs, and finding five minutes to breathe.

So let’s take those five minutes now (pretend you’re reading a work email if need be) to breathe and ponder: What is that misplaced thing I do so well that brings me joy? Here are some thought starters: serve as the glue for your family, find the singular treasure read more

Bad ways to make a good impression

| July 28, 2015
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Every so often we find ourselves out of our element when we’re in a situation with other people and feeling unsure. Could be anything, really. Meeting with new business acquaintances. Attending someone else’s family picnic. Caught in a group share-a-thon.

Before panic takes over, we search for a way to fit in. Most likely, we summon lessons of yore, some steadfast this-is-how-you-act-so-people-will-think-well-of-you belief.

Then, finally, the incident is over. We got through it and that’s that. We ignore the smidge of discomfort that’s telling us we may not have made the best impression. Relief often overpowers the desire to reflect.

So let’s pause here for a moment.

Now that we’re feeling balanced again, we have an opportunity to revisit how we act in uncomfortable situations — especially if, deep down, we wish we had a better answer.

To get started on updating your response, here are nine go-to beliefs that can give read more

Whose life is this, anyway?

| May 22, 2015
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Stuck moment: I don’t get it. I’ve done everything they say I’m supposed to do. Work hard, take breaks, build relationships, and so on — check, check, check. Everybody says I’m winning at life, but I’m just not really happy. Or satisfied. Or something. I don’t know what my problem is.

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There’s living life, and then there’s living your life.

Everyone has something to say about it, don’t they? Whether it’s our mother insisting on Friday night dinners, our friends begging us to go to Vegas, advertising tempting us to buy now and save, or society pushing us to climb higher, there’s a constant buzz that can get so loud we can’t hear ourselves anymore.

That’s when we lose our way. So many demands and choices clog our brain that our internal compass goes haywire and we get disoriented in our own lives. We try to tell ourselves we’re read more

You’re overwhelmed — so why won’t you ask for help?

| February 26, 2015
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Leading by doing — we could write the book. We see the big picture, organize the details, meet the deadlines, and never let them see us sweat.

Yep, we’re on top of it all the time…except when a task veers beyond our arsenal of expertise. But that rarely happens. And since we’re so good at figuring things out, we soldier on, on our own. Until we can’t.

Sometimes the task is too foreign, the time too short, the energy too finite to pull it off. And then we’re stuck acting like a Lone Leader, trying to operate without the necessary support.

There are at least three reasons a Lone Leader prefers to operate solo, even when overwhelmed. Knowing which one you’re prone to is the first step toward being able to issue an SOS. Take our mini-quiz to find out your read more

Advice to my younger self: 20 real-life lessons

| December 26, 2014
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A few months ago, we asked you for the most important advice you’d give your younger self. We love how many of you figuratively jumped into Doc’s time-traveling DeLorean to share the one vital thing that you’d whisper into your young, unsullied ear. Thank you.

Here are our favorites, which range from handling finances (sometimes tricky) to heeding your inner voice (sometimes even trickier). Together, these 20 pieces of real-life wisdom provide a guide for how to live without regret. And remind us of how far we’ve come — which makes us want go even read more

25 ways to make networking less dreadful

| October 16, 2014
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Stuck moment: I know this so-called networking event tonight is important for my career, but I’m not going to get anything out of it. I never meet the right people. And it always seems like everyone knows people there already — what am I suppose to do, just barge into a conversation with strangers? I hate this. 

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There’s no shortage of people who detest networking, and no shortage of reasons why: It feels artificial. I have better things to do with my time. I never know what to say. It’s boring. It’s exhausting. There’s nothing in it for me. 

All of these reasons are valid — and if we peek under the covers we’ll find the singular core: We’re afraid. Of being rejected, of failing, of not being up to snuff. Everyone feels it, even those super-smiley glad-handers we know we’ll never be. On top of that, research shows read more

Is it okay to let someone else call the shots?

| August 11, 2014
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Stuck moment: I guess I stopped caring enough about what I want. Everything seemed to be going fine, so it was easier to nod and go along with stuff — even if my heart wasn’t in it. But now it feels like I have no say, and that’s kind of cruddy.

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We get stuck as Drifters when we stop acting in our own best interest. Life’s twists, turns, and demands can weaken our resolve, and in those moments we convince ourselves that things shouldn’t be so challenging. At least that’s our reasoning for taking the path of least resistance. Before we know it, the easy way becomes a habit. So instead of directing our lives according our own wishes and hopes, we just borrow someone else’s. Or we reject the idea of wishing and hoping at all. 

However you got derailed — there are at least four main ways read more

Unstuck is about staying open

| August 4, 2014
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You know what fake confidence is, right? It’s that person who “knows it all.” Who always has the answer, even if it’s not right. He’s putting on a show for you and for himself. Meanwhile, the rest of us are working on our C level by wondering, inquiring, and paying attention to the world. Eventually, we feel confident in our confidence, and we don’t have to show it off — unless someone read more