Posts tagged: Negative thinking

3 steps to let go of that grudge


October 10, 2016
holding a grudge

Holding a grudge can be all-encompassing. Just the mere thought of someone who was rude to us, betrayed us, or otherwise hurt us triggers a tightness in our throats all the way down to our stomachs. Getting angry can feel empowering at first. But staying mad causes collateral damage in ways we may not even realize.

For one thing, harboring negative feelings can block us from experiencing positive ones. What’s more, when we dwell on how we’ve been wronged, we tend to talk about it a lot. If this is true for you, how might the grudge you’re holding onto be affecting your relationships? Is it possible that you’re so wrapped up in what happened that you aren’t as available to friends and family members as you’d like to be?

Staying mad also zaps our energy and can affect our health and well-being. Dr. Karen Swartz, a psychiatrist and clinical programs
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How to feel better in your bathing suit — and enjoy your summer


July 4, 2016
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It’s summer. Finally. So we start to fantasize about a trip to the beach, only to interrupt our reverie with fear or loathing about how we’ll look in a bathing suit. Or we go to the beach, but when our friends peel off their extra layers to jump in the water, we hang back. We don’t want to expose the parts of us that are too big, too small, too lumpy — too imperfect.

If this resonates, you’re not alone. One survey found that 89 percent of American women are unhappy with their weight. And men are hardly immune from the pressures to look a certain way. As Shape recently reported, the implications of a negative body image strongly affect our happiness:

Researchers from Chapman University in California surveyed over 12,000 participants about their body image and attitudes about their overall happiness and satisfaction with life while
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How to get past rejection


May 23, 2016
rejection

Getting rejected stinks, plain and simple. We wanted something — a job, a fresh opportunity, a relationship with someone — and we didn’t get it. What’s to like about that?

Nothing — right?

Even worse than the initial sting of rejection is the ripple effect it can have on our lives. We start to doubt ourselves. Our motivation plummets. We’re afraid to put ourselves out there again.

Here are three strategies for getting past the awful feelings that rejection brings with
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3 ways to conquer money worries


April 6, 2016
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Stuck moment: I didn’t skip her party because I don’t care. I’m just trying to be responsible about how I spend my money. That means pulling back on the fun stuff. But she doesn’t understand — she doesn’t know what it’s like to struggle.

* * *

Money is important. It’s hard to get by without it. We do our best to earn more, save well, and spend wisely so we can do the things we want to do. But sometimes it feels like it’s never enough.

That’s when we start worrying about the things we can’t afford. We don’t take that vacation. We bail on an outing with friends. We can become so frugal that we get stingy with ourselves — and lose sight of why we’re saving money in the first place. We might even get resentful.

When financial discipline turns into self-denial, we need to check our attitude. Take a look
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Are you driven by love or fear?


March 23, 2016
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Life is complicated — but your motivation isn’t. Without exception, every action we take is motivated either by love or by fear. For example:

• Acting weird around someone we’re not sure about: Fear (What if we don’t get along? I don’t want to feel disliked by someone I don’t really connect with.)

• Offering constructive criticism, even though it makes you sweat: Love (I want this person to do well. I won’t withhold the information he needs to do that.)

• Telling someone it’s okay, even though you think it probably isn’t: Fear (I’m not sure how to tell him otherwise. He might react badly. I don’t want to feel bad about it.)

• Sharing the responsibility for a situation your partner created: Love (I care about improving this situation, for everyone involved. Blaming her for it won’t help change things.)

Whether it’s an everyday quibble (your boyfriend is being difficult) or a really big deal (your
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Embarrassment sucks — how to deal


February 24, 2016
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Stuck moment: Oh no, oh no, oh no. I can’t believe my sister thought it was okay to repeat that joke I made about my brother and his fiancée before they started dating. Right in front of her! WHY? We just sat down to eat. How am I supposed to look her in the eye now?

Embarrassment sucks. It really, really does. Everything about it: the blushing, the flushing, the dumb realization that there’s no way to play it cool. It seems like everyone’s staring at you, judging you, and the moment will be burned into their memories forever.

But it’s probably not as bad as you think.

Getting embarrassed is normal human stuff. It happens because we’re self-conscious. We have an idea of how to look good or do things right, and we feel like we’ve fallen short, by way of some mishap or misfortune that catches us off guard.

Something you say
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Make your fear work for you


October 22, 2015
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You’ve cut through the excuses — I don’t have enough time, I don’t know what to do — and now you’re standing face to face with your fear. And you’re paralyzed.

Your mind is in a tailspin of what-ifs and worst-case scenarios. Your breathing gets faster, palms sweat, mouth goes dry. Everything feels shaky and insecure. You wish you could tackle the challenge…but you also want to run and hide and face your fear another day. You are classically stuck.

But what if you could harness your fear and turn it into a power source, one that would propel you forward and build your confidence in unexpected ways? Yes, we thought you’d be interested, so we tapped into the collective wisdom of our colleagues at SYPartners (the creator of Unstuck). Inspired by their knowledge, experience, and courage, here is a four-step process to transform fear into fuel (with follow-ups for good
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6 ways to deal with an angry person


September 22, 2015
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Stuck moment: Man, I hate it when she gets on a righteous anger rant. I never know what to say, and it’s such a waste of energy and time. She’s a great person otherwise, but I’m not sure it’s worth hanging out with her anymore.

* * *

Someone feels wronged, and we get to hear all about it. Uncomfortable!

A natural tendency is to say, “calm down.” Or explain the other side. Maybe we match her angry words with some of our own. Or remain silent. All human responses, but not all that effective. That’s because we’re not acknowledging how the angry person feels, which more than anything will help her calm down.

Think about it:

  • If we don’t appear to understand, we risk fueling the fire.
  • If we say nothing to avoid conflict, we risk allowing ourselves to be mistreated.
  • If we challenge her anger, we risk losing control of our emotions too.

The better we
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Maybe it’s not about you


August 13, 2015
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Ever have one of those days when everything is going perfectly fine…until someone makes a comment that completely derails you? Maybe it’s something in the tone of voice or a funny look – and you just can’t shake it off. What is that supposed to mean? Did I do something wrong? What’s her problem, anyway?

Before you know it, a quick encounter unfolds into a major incident in your mind. You feel wronged. You’re consumed by a sense of injustice. And you’re taking it very personally.

That level of response might occasionally motivate (Oh yeah? I’ll show them!), but it’s also deflating. It sucks up our energy, and it gets us stuck dwelling on the downsides. We focus on feeling mistreated, and it can sour a relationship. If we obsess over the wrongdoing, our general outlook can become negative, which pushes people away. We also lose the time and attention we’d
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