Posts tagged: Waffler

Escape from overwhelm

Work. Life. The news. It can all seem too much sometimes.

And let’s face it, the overthinking fatigue brought on by being a Waffler can make matters worse. Forcing ourselves to think through every possible scenario, starting with total catastrophe, can make even getting out of bed feel like more effort than it’s worth.

So when I saw this gif of Elle Woods, the main character from Legally Blonde — one of my favorite guilty pleasures — I had that knowing uncomfortable laugh you get when something confirms your own go-to coping mechanism.

If you’ve seen the movie, you may recognize this scene when Elle is wallowing after getting dumped by her boyfriend. Taken out of context though, it pretty much works for any moment when you want to hide out, watch romcoms, and forget about the world for a while.

Who else turns to chocolate? I cannot be the only one who
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Say no in the best possible way

Do you say yes when you mean to say no?

Maybe you don’t want to hurt people’s feelings. You’re afraid no one else will do it (or as well as you will). Or there are so many good options for someone else doing it that you can’t choose between them. That last one is especially true for us Wafflers.

Then the inevitable happens. Right after saying yes — or not saying no — you get overwhelmed, exhausted, stretched too thin. Even more requests pile up, and suddenly you just want to hide.

Though hiding works wonders at curing overwhelm, it shouldn’t be the only way to avoid saying yes to things you really don’t want to do.

Instead, there’s a way to say no without uttering the word, and that, with any luck, makes everyone happier in the process.  

Two things.

First, say thank you. When someone asks you to do something, what they
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What to do when you wake up in the middle of the night

Little kids aren’t the only ones suffering from nightmares. I wonder sometimes if it’s scarier as an adult, because the things keeping me awake at 3 a.m. are more possible than any of the stuff I used to imagine.

The real-life monsters that haunt me: losing my income, losing a loved one, making someone mad, making the wrong decision, and being alone — forever.

Sound familiar? When real-life monsters haunt you, here’s what to remember:

1. “Everything feels worse in the middle of the night.”

That’s what my mom would say when I would whimper beneath the covers in the middle of the night, too scared to move. Hoping she could save me. The moment I heard her rustling across the hall, I would start to feel better.

It’s surprisingly helpful to speak to myself in that same tender voice when my mind is spiraling into worst-case scenarios.

The phrase that works for me
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Stuck together: When none of the options feel right, but aren’t wrong either

Lauree Ostrofsky on real-life monsters

We’re thrilled to debut a new column on the Unstuck blog from writer and life coach Lauree Ostrofsky. When our app pegged Lauree as being stuck as a Waffler, the archetype resonated with her deeply, so much so that now she’s writing a column for anyone else who waffles. In today’s post, she says being a Waffler has some hidden benefits and offers a profound insight into why indecision happens — and how to move past
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What to do when you can’t decide

three faces of indecision

In the days after the 9/11 attack on the World Trade Center, many of us focused on what was missing. The New York City skyline felt bare. The world felt altered. And, in the quiet Brooklyn neighborhood of Prospect Heights, an out-of-work actor named Delissa Reynolds sought comfort in the ways she knew best — food, friends, a sense of belonging.

“It was a very tender time,” says Delissa. “People in the neighborhood really drew in together. We’d have weekend gatherings, usually at my house, where anyone could come to hang out, sometimes just over rice and beans.”

These “Sunday dinners” helped transform the experience of loss into a celebration of togetherness. And, for Delissa, they became the spark for Bar Sepia, a pioneering neighborhood bar and restaurant she’d open three years later. Next month, her dream project turns 11 — a milestone unimaginable back in those “tender”
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Moulin Rouge: Satine gets unstuck as a Waffler

Her stuck moment: Star courtesan Satine is torn between two men: Christian, the poor writer whom she loves, and the wealthy and dastardly Duke, her patron and an investor at the cabaret Moulin Rouge, where she works.

She takes a stand: When Christian confronts Satine on stage on opening night, she faces a moment of truth. With the jealous Duke watching from the audience, she goes with her gut and declares her love for Christian in defiant song.

Unstuck result: The couple affirms their love, inspiring Christian to immortalize Satine in
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Question: What’s the worst that can happen?

For some of us, this question releases us from worry. But for people who tend to waffle, the query sends us down the rabbit hole, chasing every possible scenario — good and bad — instead of making a decision. Ouch!

Unstuck’s “Pros vs. Pros” tool is a fast way to stop hesitating and start choosing. If you’re on your iPad, click to go directly to the tool (this won’t work if you’re using Unstuck on the web). Or download the free Unstuck iPad app
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Unstuck is about making a difference now

Perfection is such a funny thing. The idea of perfect sounds so good. No flaws, nothing to double-check. Just perfect. But — the pursuit of perfection can get us stuck. We get so  immersed in exploring every angle that we can’t take a stand, one way or the other. That’s when we’re stuck acting like a Waffler. That’s when we need to stop thinking and start trusting our
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Making a wrong decision can be good for you

Sometimes when we’re acting like Wafflers, it’s because we aren’t using our gut instinct to help us make a choice (see “How to use your gut instinct to make a decision”). Other times, it’s because we don’t trust our instinct. We’re afraid of making the wrong choice. Of not being perfect. Of failing. So we put it off.

Ironically, not deciding is a form of failure. In addition to giving up our right to decide, whether tiny (Should I order the fish or the beef?) or monumental (Should I relocate my family?), we miss the opportunity to learn from our decisions.

When you think about it, wrong decisions can help us make right decisions. I ordered the fish and learned that I prefer beef. I decided not to move my family and learned that we could use a change.

Taking it a step further, a wrong decision is just a detour
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