Why don’t I click with the people around me?


January 27, 2016

Stuck Moment: I don’t know what it is. I like these people, a lot of them are my friends, and there’s nothing wrong with this party. I just feel like no one actually cares if I’m here or not. Or maybe it’s me. Maybe I don’t really belong here. I feel so out of sync.

* * *

It’s more common than you might think. We’re living our lives, going out and about in the world, but deep down, we realize something’s missing.

We’re not alone, yet we don’t feel connected. That necessary human bond between us and the people in our lives is tenuous. When we dare to reflect on it, we find ourselves admitting to a kind of loneliness. We don’t feel understood. And we don’t know what to do about it.

Our mothers might tell us to get out more, that we just haven’t met the right people. And maybe so. But first, we need to get reacquainted with ourselves. After all, we are the common factor in our interactions with the outside world.

Connecting with who we are keeps us honest. It reminds us of what matters (to us), how we like to spend time, what we’re good at. Embracing our own interesting and quirky and lovable aspects builds courage to let our personality shine through when in the company of others. It gives people something to connect to.

Put into practice: A simple way to reconnect with yourself is tidying up. Not cleaning out the cat box (never fun), but sorting through the clutter that comes with living. Try this: Pick a category that could use some organizing — clothes, books, music, photos, recipes — and a free afternoon. Gather everything up, take stock, and reflect (alone and without distractions): Which things bring you joy, peace, satisfaction? Which ones are sentimental? Which are artifacts of an old you? Donate or delete any excess stuff.

We bet you’ll unearth a thing or two that really represents you. Savor that connection. You might even share it with someone.

Need more convincing? Here are six more ways getting organized can transform your life.

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